It’s commonly said that humans are simply wired to engage in monogamous relationships. Monogamy is not necessarily natural for humans And that’s basically how monogamy began, as a way for men to hand their property down to their male progenity.“ The fact that monogamy really just originated as a way to keep wealth concentrated in the hands of biologically-related men makes its continued salience and relative-ubiquity today all the more surprising. Eli notes, “You needed to know who your wife had been sleeping with. Specifically, they only wanted to bequeath their wealth to their biological sons. Cishet Men, and especially upper-class men, became concerned about inheritance. Simply put, as human societies grew, wealth accumulated, and patriarchal structures flourished. Monogamy has historical roots in religion and patriarchal capitalism. But why do we center on it, and is monogamy even natural for human beings? The idea of monogamous relationships has historic roots Still, our society generally presents monogamy as “normative,” or even the only way to structure your relationships. Monogamy appeals to many different kinds of people, but not to everyone. And that’s kind of romanticized monogamy.” And when you find your soulmate, you’re sexually exclusive with that person for the rest of your life. Eli notes that, “Classical monogamy - where two people meet as virgins and are each other's sole sexual partners their entire lives - is actually fairly rare, not only now but even historically.” She notes that we’ve moved beyond purely “classical monogamy” in recent decades, saying that, “The romanticized version of monogamy that we currently have allows for a little bit of searching… until you find true love. Eli thinks that having a Define the Relationship (DTR) conversation can be even more important in monogamous relationships than in other relationship formations.ĭefinitions of monogamy are also often idealized or romanticized. It’s a very slippery concept.” For example, some people might consider watching porn to be non monogamous behavior, whereas some might be fine with their monogamous partner having sex with other people. And sometimes, couples only figure that out when they disagree. But for many people it is not at all obvious. Eli tells O.school that,“For some people, the definition of monogamy is obvious. The definition of monogamy is broadĭr. Generally speaking, monogamous relationships are rooted in some form of exclusivity - whether in terms of romance, sex, resource-pooling, or all three. Linguistically, it means “marriage to one.” That said, it’s typically used more broadly. Elizabeth “Eli” Sheff, a sociologist, researcher, relationship coach and author of the book, The Polyamorists Next Door. Defining monogamy is a tricky task, according to Dr.
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